I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
