All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
