I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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