god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
