drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
