Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
