Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Who died my cat blue again?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
