my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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