I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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