god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
