You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I won the penis lottery.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i will never coherently bang her
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize