Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
