he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
