Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
