you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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