you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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