i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
