He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
