She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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