He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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