Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize