yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize