Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
