so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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