my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
