If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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