I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
