I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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