found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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