Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
