why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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