and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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