She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's never too late to be topless.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
