I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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