Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
