i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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