I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
where are you?
Hypothermia
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
