He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
