So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
