my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
