so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
