i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
