so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
