Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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