Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
