i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
