i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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