I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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