I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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