The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize