the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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