well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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