Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
