I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
