The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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