Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
