Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
