First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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