Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They took my balls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
