hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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