I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize