I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
