I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
